The Shackles of Virginity

Egypt and a lot more Arab countries are now witnessing an unprecedented case of vibrancy and mobilization in what is called the Arab spring. As I said before such state of revolution are not only political, but transcend it to personal barriers as well. It is at times like these when we should reconsider where we stand and where we want to be in the future.

Patriarchy is one of the biggest problems we have and it affects the lives of women and men alike. Women are controlled in different ways. They have limited options; their bodies are under control; which manifests itself in various forms, ranging from dress style to female genital mutilation.

Another way to control women's sexuality is keeping their virginity. An incredibly huge amount of pressure is placed upon women to stay virgin. Society has constructed several methods to make sure that women stay virgins until marriage.

In Egypt, a practice called dukhla baladi used to and still exists in some parts of the country, especially remote rural areas. On the wedding night, the bride and groom are accompanied by members of their family. The bride is usually held down and a woman inserts her finger in the vagina after folding her finger with a piece of cloth to receive the blood that results from the breakage of the hymen. This blood is usually called the blood of honor.

Although this practice is on the wane, other practices exists to ensure the virginity of female on their wedding night. The bride prepares a white piece of cloth, commonly called al-mahrama, is placed beneath her during the first intercourse.. The blood received on the cloth is later displayed to family members of the husband and wife, as a proof of virginity.

What's interesting is that it doesn't only place pressure on women, but also on men. It proves the man was virile enough to do his task. It is not uncommon that men do not perform well on the wedding night due to all the pressure, the lack of experience and sexual education.

Sometimes the girls do not bleed, not because they lost their virginity but because the hymen could be elastic or has pores which allows penetration without significant bleeding. This could cause serious troubles. In many cases the bride is taken to a gynecologist to check on her hymen and if it was "used" before. This test can determine the bride's fate forever. Either her dignity is restored or she's tossed to a life of shame, and in some cases it results in "honor crimes".

I was struck when I talked to family members that this tradition is alive and well, even among upper class and educated people, perhaps more commonly in Upper Egypt, where more conservative gender values exist.

What struck me though is to find origins for such practice in the Jewish tradition. In The Bible, Deuteronomy 22: 13-21 recounts how men should handle whether finding out their wives were virgins or not. It also mentions using a piece of cloth to prove the bride's honor but in this case, it is shown in front of the elders of the town.

What disturbs me most is the extent to which such personal and delicate affair can become the center of attention of the whole family. Such interference undermines the will of the newly married couple and can sabotage their private relationship. I personally believe that these matter should be only handled within the couple themselves.

Society should realize that it is not the hymen that determines honor. Honor is a broader concept that entails honesty, integrity and trust. Women can have sex without losing their hymen. Also, The society must stop the double standards about male and female virginity. While female virginity is a necessity, men are forgiven if they have pre-marital sex.

It is now up to the young generations to revolt against those traditions and choose to have their private sexual life, away from the interference of the old guardians. They should be able to discuss and share their feelings and concerns.

Once again, revolutions are not only political, but also personal!

Do We Know How to Handle Sexual Harassment?

News came out yesterday about a draft law that has been proposed by the government issuing harsher punishments for those who commit sexual harassment and rape crimes, up to the point of death sentence.

The new law tackles various points: adding telephone and the internet to different media through which harassment can occur; and giving more conditions when rape convicts get harsher punishments such as reconsidering victim's age and cases where the victim has been raped by more than one convicts.

This is a reminder of a similar law which just passed a few days ago for combating thuggery. The news of that law was alarming to me as well as many other human rights activists. The move towards stricter law for thuggery was met with a lot of criticism. Just before this particular law was passed, the military forces cracked down on Tahrir protesters, many were detained and tortured. These protesters were claimed to be thugs which puts us at a dilemma of how to determine who's a thug and who's a protester, especially because we are at a time where military courts (where people do not enjoy their full rights of fair trial) have been handling these cases.

Back to sexual harassment, it is quite obvious there's a problem with the way we're dealing with this issue. The phenomenon which began surfacing rather recently in Egypt is rampant. But is issuing stricter punishments the solution for this multifaceted problem? Here's why I don't think so:

I find the process highly questionable. The ministerial council pushes for more punishments for sexual harassment and the supreme military council is happy to enforce these, because this is the language the military best understands. In normal circumstances the ministerial council can propose draft laws and submit them to the parliament to discuss them further. Either way there need to be more public debate about it.

Photo Credit: Amr Nabil/AP/File

Drafting laws without counseling civil society bodies or human rights experts is pretty concerning. These laws have to be compatible with human rights law, and there need to be clear definition and good consensus on what sexual assault entails.

I am more concerned with how to enforce this law, rather than the punishments themselves. There are big question marks on how to get these cases reported? We have a culture of silence about these crimes. It's hard for people to report them because a huge stigma can be placed upon them. Most women who face sexual harassment or even rape never report it to the police or even to their families because their lives can be devastated.

We have this culture of intimidating criminals by increasing punishments. I don’t really believe it works. To be able to overcome a societal problem, we need to handle its underlying causes. All those handling those crimes need to be sensitized about it and fully aware of its implications. By engaging different people in the process of ending the phenomenon of sexual harassment, real achievement can happen on that front.

Faggots for Whores? Or What happened to Women March in Tahrir

Although I am still deeply agitated over what happened today at the women march today in Tahrir, I have to give my personal account as a male who went there to support women’s rally for freedom and democracy.

First, since the call for the march on Facebook, we have got a lot of negative comments either being sarcastic of the whole thing or others who want us to postpone it for later. I am really trying to comprehend the “Let’s save it for later” argument. Is it really concern for stability? Or is it internalized patriarchy that sees women issue as trivial?

So we get together in Tahrir, a few hundreds of women and men. We started to distribute flyers mentioning our demands which were:

I know the demands would be controversial and we expected strong debates at the protest, but what happened in reality was much worse than any of us expected. 

The flyer had the following demands:

1. Women's participation in shaping Egypt's constitutional, legal and political future.

2. A new civil constitution that respects citizenship, espouses equality and abolishes discrimination.

3. Amending laws so that it give full equality and rights, including personal status law.

4. Not allowing women's reproductive role to take over her participation in public and private life.

5. Establishing law for criminalization of violence against women inside and outside their home.

6. The constitution must allow women to run for presidency.

We started chanting for women rights. Just as we started chanting a group of couple hundred men started gathering and then started the chant race! They said: The man is a man and the woman is a woman; you are the children of Suzan Mubarak; Go home women!

We tried to chant back singing the national anthem and saying “Men and women are one hand”. They seemed very provoked by our mere existence and their looks were full of sarcasm and ridicule. Apparently the possibility of women running for presidency was beyond their misogynous ego.

The shocking part is that they used Islamic chants against us saying “Women’s voice is a shame”, “why didn’t God send female prophets?” This was quickly followed by rounding us up and pushing against us and ugliness followed. Women and girls were groped, their hair got pulled; dirty harassers hands were all over their bodies. I did my best to protect my friends and we got into physical and verbal fights.

I was called a faggot defending whores. I was told I wasn’t Egyptian for doing this.

So now. Some accuse us of being too controversial. Some accuse us of using the wrong time and place to voice our grievances. Until when would we remain silent? And till when we will be too shy to call for women rights? I am not sorry I called for justice. I am just really appalled but what my friends had to go through. We managed to get our voices heard for once, and it won’t be the last time.

I hope what happened today will shed some light on the unacceptable attitudes towards women. More men need to speak out for women too. This will definitely help our cause.

 The battle is hard. Mubarak’s regime and authoritarianism destroyed people’s sense of diversity. It may take years to actually change attitudes. I think we are up for it though. 

Egyptian Women Are Coming!

Tomorrow is the International Women Day, but let’s forget international for now and look at what’s happening in Egypt.

Egyptian women have been a crucial part of the revolution, even by helping planning when Asmaa Mahfouz called for protests and spread it through social media. Women fought against the regime alongside men and fell victim to brutality and murder at the hands of police and thugs.

Now women are moving, sobering up and breaking the taboos of patriarchy and organizing a protest in Tahrir for democracy and women rights. The initiative didn’t come from NGOs or any institutions, but was called for by men and women; activists, academics, civil society workers, and others. Jan 25 revolution proves to be breaking more barriers than previously thought.

Women demands range from abandoning FGM and sexual harassment to being able to run for president. Some demands stir controversy more than others though; especially when women call for ending polygamy or equal inheritance! The demands are also political asking for more representation in government and parliament. 

Controversy also comes from different grounds. Sally Zahran whose photo became one of the central images of revolution martyrs and whom I personally saw perform in a beautiful piece called Cairo Complaints Choir, caused a debate when some people asked for avoiding using her photo with her hair uncovered and spread another one of her wearing the veil. Also, people debated whether Sally died in Tahrir or not, and her mother appeared on TV to say that she fell out of balcony after a fight with her family when they ordered her to stay home and avoid protesting. The true story will never surface I guess. 

The fact that all that controversy was focused on the beautiful daring Sally reveals a problem and discomfort with free women like her. Would the same happen if Sally was a guy?

So far the event seems to be stirring debate, mostly among women themselves who are debating whether women are oppressed or not, and whether they should go out to call for their right nor not, and when. This is all healthy and hopefully a step towards the long awaited new Egypt. 

Conversation with a nun!

A few days ago I had a conversation with a Coptic Christian nun. We work together and we meet every now and then. This conversation is particularly important for me as I always felt that the polarity is more obvious when it has Muslim-Male on one side and Christian-Female on the other side!

No one can deny that the situation in Egypt sectarian-wise was deteriorating. A year ago a Christian friend of mine said “It’s like everyone is holding a knife behind his back for the others now”. This mistrust wasn’t only among people of different religion. It was a general state of mistrust fueled by the oppression and frustration we were living in Egypt particularly under Mubarak’s rule.

Also, no one can deny that Christians in Egypt were suffering from unequal treatment; they have restriction to build churches and incomplete access to jobs particularly related to academia and the military. However, Muslims also suffered as long as they are not privileged through socioeconomic or political status. Moreover, there are other minorities in Egypt whose voices were unheard. These are the voices of the people who didn’t belong to the three Abarahmic religions recognized by our state (Islam, Christianity & Judaism).

Monastery in Egypt

I met the nun a few times before, but we never approached politics or the situation of Christians. I was glad she opened up thanks go to the Jan25 revolution that liberated people from their state of fear and created a sense of solidarity.

She recounted her experience with the notorious State Security Investigations aka Political Police famous for crushing opposition against the regime, and for torturing and intimidating people. It also made a lot of community and charity work impossible. She was organizing an event to raise awareness of FGM which hosted a group of experts including an Islamic scholar to weigh in and show the Islamic stance against FGM. They forced her to go the police station at midnight so they can investigate about the event. In order to force her to come, they arrest a priest who works with her. It was more of an ordeal for her because she just underwent foot surgery.

We discussed constitutional article 2 (which says that Islam is the religion of the state) and expressed how it makes them feel as 2^nd class citizens; we also talked about how ridiculous it is to have ID cards which mentions religion of the holder.  

What was interesting to me is that she totally believed that the government was responsible for fueling those sectarian clashes to perpetuate the regime’s stay in power, and to divert people from the political corruption going on.

 It was refreshing we agreed on most things. I felt relieved that we opened up about Christian fears and concerns. I usually felt a degree of tension in our previous dealings. I do hope that the Egyptian solidarity continues to grow.

The solution to sectarianism in Egypt begins with truly acknowledging the problem and working diligently on guaranteeing religious freedom for all.

Notes on a Revolution

There are many taboos in each society. However, there has been a consensus that there are three main taboos: sex, religion and politics. When I started this blog I thought I’d focus more on the first two categories. But I now believe more than ever before that everything is political.

The whole world has been watching Egypt as its youth led a people revolution that shook the Egyptian regime. The dictator Mubarak who has been ruling for all my life, 26 years that is, is finally gone.

“Protesting is an inalienable human right”, you would hear that sentence in a lot of conferences, statements, etc. The repressive regimes of our region haven’t really picked up that line. I (like most other youth) considered taking the streets protesting a major taboo. We were living in a strict police state. Protesting in the streets meant the possibility of violence, detention and torture at the hands of the police.

What we did on Jan25 was groundbreaking. We broke all those fears and took the streets. The violence against us despite us being peaceful made us more determined. There were people from different socioeconomic class, religious beliefs, gender, etc. They were all part of making it happen.

There’s a great sense of empowerment by this revolution. You find yourself rediscovering yourself, redefining your role. For Egyptians, there is now a great sense of ownership of their country. This sense was destroyed by the authoritarian regime. It has to be maintained and perpetuated.

I believe when people live in freedom and dignity, when their voices are heard, there is more room for social change. I also believe that people tend to oppress each other when they are already feeling oppressed. I am hopeful that this emerging state of mind would help us make more achievement in the social struggles related to human rights, religious freedom, gender equality, health for all, etc.  

The struggle is not over. What is coming is not easier than what have already been achieved. It’s always harder to create than it is to criticize.

The Price of Stigma

When it comes to discussing HIV/AIDS in Egypt, most probably you’d be faced by either one of two reactions: one that is characterized by fear, shock, and discomfort or a reaction marked by denial and disdain. I would like to discuss why.

AIDS has come to be associated with sex and death, and both topics are hard to digest in our culture. We avoid discussing sexuality-related issues in our adolescence within the family and formal education. Comprehensive sexuality education is nearly absent and only limited information are given through curriculums and has been further abridged recently. Little awareness exists of HIV, its modes of transmission, prevention, and treatment. No wonder then that most people experience feelings of discomfort and fear. However, we need to listen and understand attentively because ignorance breeds fear and fear breeds hate!

Clearly, the biggest obstacle to HIV awareness work is the stigma against people living with HIV. People living with HIV have to suffer in silence, shameful to seek help or treatment and if it was revealed that they are HIV+, they’re shunned, mistreated by their community, workplace, and even their close and loved ones. This life of isolation is the killer in the case of HIV, rather than the disease itself.

The stigma is even greater when it is coupled with being a member of Most At Risk Populations (MARPs). These are groups of people who more frequently engage in behaviors that lead to HIV transmission.  These behaviors include unprotected sex, sex with multiple partners, and using the same injecting equipment. Such populations include men who have sex with men, female sex workers and their clients, and injecting drug users.

A comprehensive survey of Egyptian youth revealed that only 21% of them would be willing to interact with a person living with HIV, which is definitely disturbing. We all need to realize that stigmatizing those groups leads to higher spread of the virus into the community, by denying those people access to health and awareness services, and not allowing them to get the care and compassion they need. We need to face this, because we might have a low number of people living with HIV in Egypt, but the risk is even greater with this level of ignorance and stigma, plus we are not gods to judge their behaviors.  

The second reaction of denial and scorn comes from the view that HIV is a Western problem and that our moral society and religiosity is enough to keep us away from it; they see that maintaining our ‘cultural norms’ is the solution to HIV, and all other problems perhaps! A mere reality check negates this view.

However, some others question the amount of funding and prioritization given to HIV aid at the expense of improving overall health systems, which may be a valid concern. However, HIV remains a global issue that affect the life of millions. It demands nothing less than our diligent, tolerant attention.