Masturbation, aka, self-love!

A couple of nights ago, a screening of a documentary focusing on Masturbation as part of independent cinema event took place. I couldn’t have missed such event where a glimpse of sexuality-related debate was to be held! The documentary was called “Secret As Usual” سرية كالعادة which is wordplay for the term Secret Habitالعادة السرية which is how masturbation is usually referred to in Egypt.

The 30-minute long documentary is all made up of interviews, save for very scarce visual material. The interviewees are a few Egyptian young people of both genders and the rest are experts including andologists, psychiatrists and the like including the famous (for some, notorious) Heba Qotb, who’s been striving to position herself as a media-sexology figure in the last few years.

Through the interviews, we hear the young people talk about the ways they perceive masturbation & their attitudes towards it; not much personal experience. The “experts” mostly lecture us about what’s right and wrong, healthy and unhealthy for the remainder of it.

To be honest, the movie left me quite frustrated despite being a lauded initiative by the director (she made a previous film about sexual harassment). We may assume that the sheer attempt of approaching the matters of sexuality in our context is a happy event. That wasn’t exactly how I felt however.

The movie painstakingly tries to correct misconceptions about masturbation. It tries to open up options that masturbation may not be a bad thing. The Sheikh and the Priest say that there are no clear religious instructions against it. The doctors say that it doesn’t cause the oft-cited myths of blindness, madness, weakness, infertility, etc. Right after masturbation has been declared innocent of causing these afflictions, the “doctors” go on to explain how it actually causes premature ejaculation!

My frustration comes from that the film’s “experts” fail to deliver a viewpoint that masturbation is actually a healthy, useful and safe practice! It tries to correct and destigmatize, but it doesn’t affirm the positive aspect of masturbation. The message was that it’s not bad, but not good either, and that it usually reveals something wrong is going on.

My second disappointment is that the director interviewed the usual suspects: the medical and religious institutions, and dropped the human rights and anthropology approach. 

A positive approach to sexuality in general and masturbation in particular was missing.

Yes, jerking off is good, if don’t know that already. Let’s revisit how:

Photo from Scarlteen.com

For one thing, sex is good and healthy and it’s not that different if you do it with someone else or with yourself. It improves blood circulation, delays ageing and does other good stuff to your body. Masturbation helps people explore their bodies, their pleasure patterns, and sensitive areas. It can be used as an exercise to avoid premature ejaculation and practice self-control. Notably, it’s the safest way of sex out there. Unless, you’re using sex toys or similar objects, there is no risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. 

Unless masturbation seriously interferes with productivity and daily life activities, it cannot be considered an addiction.

One would assume that society is now okay with masturbation, because let’s face it, everyone is doing it. But no, that’s not the case. Through my work with young people in schools and youth centers, I received countless questions about it. There remain a great deal of people who feel guilty about it, haunted by morbid thoughts of sinfulness and uncleanliness, in addition to all the other health hazard myths.

No wonder! It’s not uncommon for religious scholars to speak against it (it’s safer for them to denounce any form of sexuality), thereby enforcing the sense of guilt. It’s also no surprise when doctors juggle their opinions between “it’s not bad” to “it can cause you isolation and premature ejaculation”.

There is a view that masturbation was mentioned in The Bible through the story of Onan who would withdraw the penis during intercourse and “waste his seed”. Though this view is questionable by some, it is still used by many to justify why masturbation (and even contraception) is sinful. There is no mention of masturbation in Koran, but a couple of questionable interpretations and hadiths (prophet sayings) are perpetuated by most conservative sheikhs  to denounce it. Other Islamic scholars are permissive of it on grounds that it may prevent a greater sin (sex outside marriage).

Unexpectedly, it’s not only the religious institution that has intensified negative views around it. The medical institution played a historic vicious role as well. In fact, the term secret habit sounds very similar to the expression secret vice (and even self pollution) which dates back to the 19^th century in Western Europe and America, aka during the rise of modern medicine. For centuries, medical practice viewed masturbation as a serious public health concern that leads to insanity, and various other ailments.

I am well aware that using a sex-positive approach in sexuality discussions is a very difficult battle. We are in a country that’s still struggling to give young people the right to be informed about their bodies, sexuality and health. A recent policy brief by Population Reference Bureau (A Washington-based research center) provides more information and recommendations for incorporating comprehensive sexuality education into schools curricula in Egypt.

Such documentaries are good starting points. Public debates regarding sexuality matters are needed, though there is a current fear of moral panics and pushback by conservative forces in society that feel empowered after the revolution. Discretion about public debate is always nice, but too much caution may also get us no where.

The battle is going to be long and tough. It won’t get very far unless we move beyond the stereotypical ways of portraying sex and unless the progressive, sex-positive voices are included in the conversation.

When Women Are Undressed!

In the post-revolutionary Egypt, several women were undressed, whether willfully or against their consent. A varying degree of uproar usually ensues. It’s really curious to witness the frenzy that happens when women clothes are dropped.

The West (with all the implications and connotations of this word) and Western media, obsessed as it with the oppressed Arab/Muslim women, is usually enthused to cover and report on what happens to women in the Arab world; demanding their liberation; lamenting their marginalization. While here, the obsession with female body overrides the debate, making it skewed, if not outright unfair.

The first such incident was the sexual assault on Lara Logan in Tahrir on the day of ousting Mubarak. International media were all over it. Logan went on 60 Minutes describing her ordeal. The media here largely ignored it; either too overwhelmed with Mubarak stepping down and the prospects for a new Egypt, or using the same excuse of “Let’s not tarnish the national image”.

In March, we had the infamous virginity tests that were conducted by the military.  There was definitely a case of shock when such news came out. Not as much hype as there is now because back then lots of people were still in denial about the fact that the military is against the revolution. They just didn’t believe our honored army would commit such a crime. Some others thought those girls had it coming. “Who told them to go protest and spend the night on the street anyway?!”

Later on in May, there was a fiasco of another sort. Religious frenzies, aka the Salafis, well known for their strict interpretation of Islam and limited worldview, were on the hunt for yet another woman named Abeer. A Christian woman, had fled her Upper Egyptian village and left her family behind for a fling with a Muslim man. She converted to Islam in order to be able to get a divorce and marry the Muslim. The Salafis presumed that Abeer was held in a church in Imbaba which resulted in an ugly flare of sectarian violence and led to about a dozen dead and hundreds injured. This incident exemplified how women become tools of asserting power by religious factions; and how controlling women’s sexuality and mobility can be a strong driver of sectarian violence.

Moreover, similar honor-motivated protests were organized by Salafis in order to save women alleged to have converted to Islam. Most of the protesting centered around a woman called Kamilia Shehata. These protests were named “I want my sister Kamilia”, a famous humorous phrase that is now commonly used to mock Salafis and their obsession with their alleged sisters.

The failure of Salafis & other Islamists to produce a proper response, when female protesters were subjected to abuses at the hand of police and military forces, were the center of criticism of many secular/liberal revolutionaries. Those revolutionaries who are struggling to present themselves to the mainstream non-political majority. The word secular has become so stigmatized that most activists chose not to use it. The word "liberal" became all too common to refer to anyone who's not an islamist. The outcry of the liberal/secular against the violence of female protesters was all too real, but the use of that card to trump the islamists was always interesting.

When Salafis chose not to put the photos of female parliamentary runners and decided to replace them with either flowers or their husbands' photos, they received harsh sarcasm from the "liberal" front, for their lack of respect for women. But how did that liberal front really deal with women issues? Did they really advocate for women inclusion everywhere? Women were also excluded in most liberal political forces.

In November, when Aliaa El Mahdy took her clothes off, took a nude photo and posted it on her blog, the international attention reached unbelievable levels. Her controversial act was the talk of everyone and again the media was all over it. Was it a feminist act of rebellion or a miscalculated risk? Regardless of its meaning or motivation, Aliaa's act became the battlefront of debate about women liberation; the limits of freedom; the timing; the reputation of the revolution; the rampant double standards and hypocrisy of the society that rushes to see her naked body yet condemn her act.

Again, the "liberal forces" were confused, if not dismayed, by Aliaa's nudity; either denying her freedom of expression or claiming it compromises the struggle of "liberal forces" to maintain their image. The buzz would have continued, and Aliaa's life would have been more endangered, if it wasn't for the violence that erupted again at Mohamed Mahmoud street and the first round of parliamentary elections. The international and national spheres found other things to worry about.

Most recently, the famous photos above made headlines in several international and local media outlets, and became the heart of another debate. The woman who was brutalized as a punishment for her bravery to protest in the cabinet events became a sensation, not because she was aggressively beaten up or insulted but because her body was exposed.

The angry reaction that immediately followed based the criticism of the military violence on the shame they have caused by exposing her body. It is quite understandable that this act of exposition is associated with shame and violating "honor" more than anything else. But I can't help but wonder, whose shame it is when a woman's body is exposed! Why has it become such a horrendous act? Because we see women's body as a sacred untouchable that should not be violated? What is more violating here, the shame brought about by her brutalization or that caused by her bodily exposition? Which is more shocking, the emotional wounds that she'll have to endure or the fact that world knew the color of her bra?

However, the women march today at Tahrir was a real positive move. Thousands of women from all walks of life, in all sorts of dress showed up in solidarity and to protest the flagrant military violations. The photo below is particularly striking and interesting. This woman is basically saying: "nobody has the right to judge us or question our honor". As the chants said "Egyptian women are a red line", women expressed that any violations of Egyptian women should never be tolerated. It shows that despite the shaming and the victim-blaming, women still reclaim their right to protest and express themselves.

"your eyes are cheap"

It is amazing how women's bodies have such a revealing effect. They can show exactly where people stand on matters like freedom, autonomy and shame. Women's bodies have been the battlefront of so many battles before and will continue to be, but the hypocrisy it reveals never ceases to be powerful.

Cottonil: The Underwear Controversy

Ramadan is here and already half way through. While some Egyptians think of it as a month of religious observance, family gatherings or festive meals; Ramadan can also be seen as the month of televised invasion!

Each year, all TV channels race to catch TV viewers’ attention with loads of TV series, comedy and talk shows. But in between all those shows, the thing that viewers see the most, and recently discuss the most are the ads in between.

TV ads have got people talking, facebooking and tweeting enjoying them, making fun of them or severely ridiculing them. The advertisement that caused most controversy was definitely Cottonil ad for promoting male underwear and boxers, a first of a kind in Egypt! The humorous ad begins by saying that boxers are like you friends; some make you comfortable, some are too sticky and other make you look better! The rather “sexual” innuendos plus the specter of young men in sagging jeans apparently provoked some conservative nerves.    

I think the discussion about this ad is particularly interesting. It has provoked some discussion about media, youth, fashion, and even homosexuality!

Some people saw the advertisement as a sign of media irresponsibility saying that the ad is inappropriate and rude especially in Ramadan and that it offends families watching TV together. Part of this argument is about appropriate dress; i.e. what is considered decent clothes and what’s not! In a country where religious conservatism is on the rise, talking about freedom of dress won’t get you very far!  A lot of people are concerned about what “message” their children would get from seeing young people with low hanging jeans!

The other part of this argument is about the fact that people are seeing Egyptian boxers ads for the first time in their lives. Something about the fact that it’s an ad about underwear seem to irrationally provoke many people. The humorous innuendos did not sit well with a certain mindset that is uncomfortable with the human body and especially because underwear are somehow linked to… genital organs!! Despite the criticism, the ad has a lot of positive reactions and a lot of people found it funny and praised its boldness and creative idea. The reactions reminded me of a quote I heard in a play I saw in Rawabet a while ago. "Why are we all shy of talking about underwear although we're all wearing it?!" 

The arguments propagated by the critics can be contested.  Don't young people already know about the trend of wearing sagging pants? Don't we see that in regular life every day? Why should we pretend that it doesn't exist; or should we always act as ostriches do? Why would we want to limit the freedom of choosing what people wear? If women can have the right to show their cleavage and legs, why can’t men show their underwear?! Most importantly, why do we feel an urge to control what people wear?

Interestingly though, some of the young people reacted to the ad saying it's "a gay ad"! I wonder why such comment was made. Is it because it's an advertisement for male underwear? Or is it because it portrays male friendship and intimacy? Does seeing males touching each other amount to being gay?

Although a lot of people in Egypt tend to think that homosexuality is a foreign concept, I think that this homophobia is the foreign concept. After all we have a culture that didn't see a threat or problems in male friendly intimacy and until now we can see men kissing on the cheeks, hugging or even sometimes holding hands, something that doesn't really happen in most of the "Western countries"! Our perception of masculinity is confusing to me. What kind of man do we accept and what other kind we call sissy? What are the criteria!

In the end, I believe that media is more of a reflection of society’s attitudes and beliefs. Analyzing what we see on TV and how we react to it is an interesting and worthy process. After all, resolving issues begins with a quiet and open debate. 

The Shackles of Virginity

Egypt and a lot more Arab countries are now witnessing an unprecedented case of vibrancy and mobilization in what is called the Arab spring. As I said before such state of revolution are not only political, but transcend it to personal barriers as well. It is at times like these when we should reconsider where we stand and where we want to be in the future.

Patriarchy is one of the biggest problems we have and it affects the lives of women and men alike. Women are controlled in different ways. They have limited options; their bodies are under control; which manifests itself in various forms, ranging from dress style to female genital mutilation.

Another way to control women's sexuality is keeping their virginity. An incredibly huge amount of pressure is placed upon women to stay virgin. Society has constructed several methods to make sure that women stay virgins until marriage.

In Egypt, a practice called dukhla baladi used to and still exists in some parts of the country, especially remote rural areas. On the wedding night, the bride and groom are accompanied by members of their family. The bride is usually held down and a woman inserts her finger in the vagina after folding her finger with a piece of cloth to receive the blood that results from the breakage of the hymen. This blood is usually called the blood of honor.

Although this practice is on the wane, other practices exists to ensure the virginity of female on their wedding night. The bride prepares a white piece of cloth, commonly called al-mahrama, is placed beneath her during the first intercourse.. The blood received on the cloth is later displayed to family members of the husband and wife, as a proof of virginity.

What's interesting is that it doesn't only place pressure on women, but also on men. It proves the man was virile enough to do his task. It is not uncommon that men do not perform well on the wedding night due to all the pressure, the lack of experience and sexual education.

Sometimes the girls do not bleed, not because they lost their virginity but because the hymen could be elastic or has pores which allows penetration without significant bleeding. This could cause serious troubles. In many cases the bride is taken to a gynecologist to check on her hymen and if it was "used" before. This test can determine the bride's fate forever. Either her dignity is restored or she's tossed to a life of shame, and in some cases it results in "honor crimes".

I was struck when I talked to family members that this tradition is alive and well, even among upper class and educated people, perhaps more commonly in Upper Egypt, where more conservative gender values exist.

What struck me though is to find origins for such practice in the Jewish tradition. In The Bible, Deuteronomy 22: 13-21 recounts how men should handle whether finding out their wives were virgins or not. It also mentions using a piece of cloth to prove the bride's honor but in this case, it is shown in front of the elders of the town.

What disturbs me most is the extent to which such personal and delicate affair can become the center of attention of the whole family. Such interference undermines the will of the newly married couple and can sabotage their private relationship. I personally believe that these matter should be only handled within the couple themselves.

Society should realize that it is not the hymen that determines honor. Honor is a broader concept that entails honesty, integrity and trust. Women can have sex without losing their hymen. Also, The society must stop the double standards about male and female virginity. While female virginity is a necessity, men are forgiven if they have pre-marital sex.

It is now up to the young generations to revolt against those traditions and choose to have their private sexual life, away from the interference of the old guardians. They should be able to discuss and share their feelings and concerns.

Once again, revolutions are not only political, but also personal!

Cut my clitoris, please! Part II

In my last post, I talked about encountering FGM apologia and why it shouldn’t come as a surprise for me to face it. For the last couple of years, I have been reading about it and getting involved in discussions regarding FGM. One of the most notable readings is a study entitled “Investigating Women’s Sexuality in relation to FGM in Egypt” conducted in 2008 by a team of researchers led by Dr. Mawaheb El-Mouelhy, a leading activist in combating FGM. The study takes a deeper look at the terrifying practice and both men and women’s view on it.

There are a lot of justifications that people provide when you ask them why FGM is performed. Some of those are based on myth and false beliefs such as hygiene, some people think that if the clitoris is not cut, it would grow to become like a penis. Others do it because of customs. Most commonly though, they would say to control sexual desire for girls and to ensure married women’s fidelity, and also to increase the chances for a girl to get married and to be acceptable by her husband!

A contradiction emerges in people’s views of FGM. Although most of them said that FGM is important to control female sexual appetite, they asserted that the most important determinant of honor is the way a girl was raised by her family rather than practicing FGM. The most important thing for them was that the girl behaves well and keeps her virginity till marriage. Moreover, they knew that FGM was not enough to make their girls “behave well”. The honor complex is still controlling our thinking. Family honor and status is dependent on how its females behave. Family’s reputation has to be maintained, so the girls must be under strict control.

Another shocking and contradictory finding was that women and especially grandmothers are the main decision-makers of FGM. This brings me back to the story I told earlier. What makes women perpetuate this practice? Do they get jealous of each other in a way? Are they bound by tradition and custom? Were they brainwashed by patriarchal values of the society?

It is clear that the society sees female sexual desire as such an evil thing that has to be eliminated or at least controlled. Some people even likened an uncircumcised woman to a raging bull, not satisfied by one man! Men worry that if they marry an uncircumcised woman, they wouldn’t be able to satisfy her sexual needs.

It is indeed disturbing to have such thoughts going on in the community. There are currently a lot of efforts and campaigns made to combat FGM, and the procedure was officially banned by law in 2008. However, such efforts are restricted and needs a lot of years to pay off. Laws are not enough, especially with lax enforcement strategies here. Laws alone cannot change people’s beliefs and attitudes. It’s not only a matter of raising awareness. It’s a matter of changing patriarchal culture.

Cut my clitoris, please!

A campaign poster against FGM

So there I was, giving training at one of those sexuality education sessions. It was an introductory session, I was trying to be careful as possible as these young people are going to publicly discuss sexuality-related issues for the first time in their lives (in a health context of course)!

I came up with an information sharing game, to make it easier for them to participate and learn. I prepared a set of statements in the form of scientific facts. Then, I split each statement into two parts and distributed all the parts to the trainees, then asked them to find the other half of the statement they have.

One of the statements said: “Female genital cutting (FGM) could lead to bleeding, infertility, and loss of sexual appetite (berood ginsi).” After each of them found his/her matching half of the statement, I asked each of them to read the statement out loud. One of the girls said it out loud, but after she did, she shook her head and said “I’m not convinced, how can this happen?”

I went on explaining how the conditions and the delicacy of this surgery could lead to such fate. I also explained the function of the clitoris and how its cutting leads to loss of sexual desire.

“But isn’t this [loss of sexual desire] better to happen for women?” exclaimed the girl. I was surprised to be honest, even though I should have expected it, I guess it surprises me every time, especially when this kind of comment comes from a girl/woman! I think her only excuse is that she most probably haven’t started a sexual life yet, and she would know it better first hand and she wouldn’t have her children undergo the same awful procedure!

FGM prevalence in Africa

However, one shouldn’t be exactly surprised with this kind of FGM apologia in Egypt. The practice is indeed widely prevalent with shocking numbers. Egypt Demographic and Health Survey in 2008 demonstrates that the prevalence among women aged 15 to 49 is 91%. Although the practice seems to be declining among the younger generation, the phenomenon is widespread. With such rates, then definitely majority of the community supports it and have good reasons behind it. 

I am going to delve into it more in the upcoming post. Wait for Part II of this post! 

Sexuality Education Woes in Egypt

The talk about sexuality hardly ever surfaces in Egypt. Even when an article or a speech is given by an enlightened intellectual, waves of rejection and censure usually follow. Discussing sexuality usually stirs accusations of spreading vice and encouraging promiscuity. Consequently, the debate on sexuality education here is starkly lacking and flawed, just like the process of sex education itself.

The government and other religious and social institutions ignore basic human rights such as the right of information and the right to health when they fail to deliver comprehensive sexuality education information to the people, especially young people who are most vulnerable due to the sensitive changes they are going through.

Public education ignores sexuality information, except for a class on human reproduction during preparatory school and some skewed information on sexually transmitted infections. A lot of young people remember that awkward science class where the teacher was too embarrassed to effectively convey useful lessons on sexuality, or skipped the class altogether.

Civil society organizations have recently recognized the importance of delivering sexuality education programs to young people. Evidently, these programs only reach a very small segment of young people in Egypt, who make up about 40% of the total population. Apart from quantity, quality remains a major challenge. Educating young people on sexuality includes a wide array of topics, such as puberty changes; understanding the body and its functions; exploring identity; sexually transmitted infections, gender based violence; partner communication, etc. Sex Ed is often combined with life skills education to enhance young people’s ability to make right decisions about their lives and how to communicate these with partners.

Reality is unfortunately far from this. Instead of providing a positive approach to sexuality, it is often portrayed as an evil desire that needs to be controlled. Instead of promoting tolerance and understanding, it’s not uncommon to find Sex Ed programs that foster negative attitudes towards sexuality and gender. For example, gender equality is poorly delivered; premarital sex is a taboo; homosexuality is defined as a disease that afflicts young people; and safer sex practices are often omitted.

Without going too into too much detail, there is a litany of reasons behind this. Clearly, Sex Ed has a lot of prerequisites that must precede it such as teaching human rights, privacy, tolerance, and gender equality. 

Finally, sexuality is closely associated with people’s happiness and productivity. Providing comprehensive information regarding sexuality is a goal that must be achieved equally and effectively for a better nation.